- Permanent Memory Loss. Caused by weed. I regularly cannot remember what I did yesterday. Sometimes, I say things to people and then totally forget, and say them again. Sometimes it causes bigger problems, I forget things at work. I give people change from a twenty, because I can't remember they gave me a ten.
- Memory Loss of when I was younger. I have lost entire sections of my life. I'll never get those memories back. It's things I should be able to remember! I can't remember things from before I took the drugs, and I can't remember a hell of a lot that happened when I was taking them. I can't remember the sound of my Grandmother's voice, but I can vaguely remember a time when I could.
- Bad Balance. Sometimes I can't stand up without holding onto something. Sometimes I fall over anyway just walking. Luckily, it doesn't happen too often, usually I just trip and then catch hold of something. But bad balance is a very real problem if you ride a bike!!
- Disorientation. Regularly I get confused by all sorts of silly things. I just loose my train of thought totally mid conversation, or I can't hear what a person is saying.
- My dodgy nose. I have one nostril bigger than the other, because I used to sniff Ketamine and Speed. It looks a bit odd. And it doesn't help my hay fever!
- Flashbacks. These are the biggest problem. I've already detailed them here. But let me give you a list of things which trigger them, things which I now have to avoid:
- Drum n Bass Music
- Queens of the Stoneage
- Dance music
- The smell of weed
- The smell of certain drinks
- Disco lights
- Roads with street lamps which are too close together - driving past them too quick makes them look like they flash
- Alcohol. Even half a glass of wine can trigger a flashback
- Early morning cigarettes outside. They give me a head rush, and a head rush often triggers a flashback
- A perfume that Lucy wore, I don't know what it is
- Clubs. No chance, everything about them will trigger a flashback
It's not too bad, I can still have a normal life. But it's not always easy. Sometimes it really bothers me, particluarly the memory. It's so frustrating whe a friend mentions something they've already told you, but you can't remember them telling you at all. And then you feel like a pratt for having to ask, and your friend feels like you don't pay attention to anything they say, and that you don't care anyway. That part is horrible.
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