I have to warn people about my flashbacks. I have to warn them so they know what one looks like, and what to do if it happens.
This is not particularly nice.
And it's not like I can avoid it, they're pretty damn noticeable.
Luckily, a lot of my friends are understanding. Even if it frightens a few of them, which it does. I explain my past, I explain the consequences and they just ask what to do if it happens. The answer is stay with me, and talk to me. Tell me normal everyday things, ask what I had for breakfast and ask how the bike is. Remind me I've got a bike, I probably won't know. When I ask where I am, tell me, and tell me the stuff I clearly can't remember. Like my name.
I live in fear that it will happen at work, when there's no one around who will know what to do. I don't know what I would do, I just have to hope it never happens. There's not a lot else I can do.
It has happened when I'm driving. Luckily, I can now recognise the signs, so I know to pull over immediately and just ride the bloody thing out. It has only happened a few times, and each time I've been able to stop before I was in any danger. Now, it doesn't bother me too much, although it's still pretty worrying. I do know what to do now, and I can get out of the situation safely. I have time before it hits me and I start wondering who I am, just enough time to get off the road.
But the first time it happened, I didn't expect it, I ignored the signs and thought it would go away. It didn't. I was driving down the outside lane of a motorway, at 90mph, with someone on the back of the bike.
I nearly killed us both.
That's a hell of a thing to live with, trust me.
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My History - The Deaths
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